I met Steve when I was 19. He was 26.
The night we met, few words were exchanged. We were both with other people, our attention being focused on that. A few weeks later we “ran in” to each other again. My friend was dating his friend. We decided to meet up with them just to hang at the beach and barbecue. While our friends were in lust with each other in the backseat, I was forced to converse with Steve. The first few sentences he said to me I thought “Is this guy real?” He was overly confident, and wreaking of arrogance.
Of course, after we got to know one another a bit more (or drinking till we found each other semi-amusing), our faces were glued, hands intertwined and clothes were off.
After that night, we went on a few dates. He was intriguing and unlike anyone I had ever known. In spite of the fact that I only had 19 years of life experience, we could carry meaningful conversations, and were seemingly engaged in each other's thoughts.
Although we had a connection, Steve was a wild man. You couldn’t tame him if he was strapped to a chair..and I knew that. I knew he was seeing other girls. I knew it wasn't serious, and I knew our lives were on separate paths.
But, in all my ignorance, I also knew we were different. After a year of casually dating, we went separate ways. Though our lives were in different places, anytime we'd cross paths, we would hug, profess our love for one another, and slowly walk away. We both knew it couldn't work. I was too young, he was too free.
Life continued on. While going through a break up, I ran into Steve one night. I stayed at his house and we spent the whole next day together, drinking champagne and laughing. While talking about nonsense, he abruptly and unexpectedly said “Be with me”. I laughed and replied, “you’re drunk”, immediately brushing it off.
We continued to casually hang out over the course of the next few weeks. One night we went out for drinks, and at the end of the night went back to his place. We sat on the couch, and I could feel him staring at me. I looked up to confront his stare. “Be with me,” he said. I quickly answered, “Steve. I can’t.” I didn’t want to take that chance with him. I was scared of relationship failure. I was scared he wasn’t ready. I was scared I wasn’t ready. He again said, “Be with me”. I replied, “I can’t.” He looked into my eyes with great intensity and said Lindsay, be with me. As a tear ran down my face, I looked at him, paused, and said, “Ok.”
I think most people didn’t think we would last, and believe me I get it. However, marriage, a house, and 2 kids later we’re still doin this damn thing.
I would never say everyday is great, because that’s just not true. We have our challenges because we’re very different people. Some relationships are like two puzzle pieces that perfectly align..others aren’t. But both somehow work. Steve and I don’t perfectly align. We have jagged sides that don’t fit with precision, and that’s okay.
Maybe Steve is my soulmate… maybe he’s not. Maybe soulmates don’t exist. Maybe we fight to be together, and maybe in the midst of it all, we’re just telling a tale of an imperfect and unconventional love story.
I love you Steven Wesley